Registered Nursing
  • Nobody Beside You.

    Have you all heard the new Elevation Worship album? It came out one week ago. 

    It. Is. Amazing.

    I have never been to this church, but their worship has been strength to my body and food for my faith the last few years. You can preview and buy it here, or you can listen for free here by signing up for a free account {which is what Ryan and I have}. 

    I went through one of the darkest times in my life about two years ago. I quit my job {that I loved} because I had slowly and unknowingly developed a relationship there in the hospital that was becoming a threat, a temptation with the potential to kill, my faith and marriage. I had to seperate myself from the situation that would have only led to sin. "It's what is best for Ryan and I at this time" is what I told my coworkers, my close friends whom I had come to love over the previous four years. It was heart breaking, but God met me there--in my repentance, in my obedience, in my heart break, in my sobbing, and in my worship.

    My coworkers had welcomed me with open arms in the beginning as a travel nurse, which doesn't always happen.

    They watched me marry the man of my dreams. 
    They asked me to stay when my travel nurse contract was about to expire. 
    They rejoiced with me when Ryan and I got pregnant.

    They mourned with me when I miscarried.
    They rejoiced with us again during the first 10 weeks of our second pregnancy.
    And then wept with us again when no heartbeat was found in that baby either.

    Me in the hospital when I found out I miscarried--trying to keep hope alive, that His love was stronger.

    It was right after I found out I was pregnant with our third baby--we had heard a heartbeat and I was even starting to show--that I had to resign. They didn't fully understand why; I wanted to protect the privacy of myself and the person involved, so I left as quietly as I could. I remember one of my girl friends saying, "But you can't leave now--we have been through so much together. You're finally pregnant again!"

    When you weather the storms together, you want enjoy the sunshine that follows together. 

    During my last two weeks after I turned in my resignation, I wept during every shift that I had to tell people I was leaving {as a nurse, you don't see all of your coworkers every shift}. I would listen to this song by Elevation on repeat for the entire thirty minutes it took to get to work. Here are the lyrics to Give Me Faith: 

    I need You to soften my heart
    To break me apart
    I need You to open my eyes
    To see that You're shaping my life

    All I am, I surrender

    Give me faith to trust what You say 
    That You're good and your love is great
    I'm broken inside, I give you my life

    I need you to soften my heart
    To break me apart
    I need you to pierce through the dark
    And cleanse every part of me

    Those lyrics held me up. God strengthened me to do what I had to do through them. I chose to trust Him though I had no idea how I would go on. I often sobbed while singing them.

    He softened my heart. He broke me apart. He opened my eyes and showed me His plan.

    He gave me faith to believe Him. He is so good and His love is so great.

    He pierced through my darkness and cleansed every part of me. I am new, I am whole, I am clean, I am free.  

    It's been almost two years since I fled that yucky situation to protect myself and Elevation's worship is rocking my world again. Only this time I am in a completely different life stage. 

    He has PROVEN Himself faithful. My marriage is stronger than it ever has been. He has BLESSED us tremendously. We have a healthy daughter who smiles, eats and sleeps like she may not get another opportunity.

    He has REVEALED Himself to me in His Word. For what more can I ask?

    All the worries of this world, I will lay them at Your feet 
    Surrender every anxious thought for perfect peace, your perfect peace

    All the loved ones I hold dear, All my hopes and dreams and all my fears
    I will choose to trust Your name in everything, with everything 

    I will look up for there is none above You
    I will bow down to tell you that I need You 
    Jesus Lord of all, Jesus Lord of all

    I will take You at your Word, For Jesus You have taken hold of me
    All of my life is in your hands
    You are my strength, You are my strength

    I will look back and see that You are faithful
    I look ahead believing You are able
    Jesus Lord of all, Jesus Lord of all 

    {I will Look Up, Elevation Worship}

    Two years ago, I wept and did not think I could go on.

    Today, I danced around my kitchen with Aila giggling in my arms, singing all the wrong words to Glory Is Yours because, though I have heard them and it SHOOK my foundation, I'm still learning the lyrics. 

    Oh God, the glory is Yours, the kingdom is come and the battle is over
    Jesus in Your name we rise, And the glory is Yours, the glory is Yours

    Nobody beside You
    There has never been anyone, anything like You 
    There has never been ANYONE, anything like You  
    There has never been anyone, ANYTHING like You 

    Nobody beside You
    There will never be anyone, anything like You 
    There will never be ANYONE, anything like You  
    There will never be anyone, ANYTHING like You 

    Don't just read those words, you have to listen to them--make sure you do. What an anthem, a declaration, a celebration. He has proven Himself to be EVERYTHING to me, everything I could ever possible need. If I need guidance, He is that. If I need peace, He is that. If I need comfort, He is that too. He is all powerful, all-mighty, ever-loving and an ever-constant help. He has caused me to rise, as that last song stated; He has lifted me up out of my pit and caused me to rise and walk again.. and the glory is HIS!

    He will answer every question you have and meet your every need if you ask Him. And the Glory is His, for God, there is nobody beside You. 


  • Figuring out this ER nurse mindset

    {Originally Written on Sunday, October 18, 2009 at 1:17pm, edited 8/2013}

    I've worked in three different Emergency Rooms in the last four years and it's crazy how much I've learned since graduating from IWU. I'd like to move on from the ER; I've tried landing positions elsewhere, but every time, the door closes. I must admit, once I'm there, starting IVs and helping in traumas, I do enjoying it. It's the skills that I love, but the patients that drive me crazy. It's not that I can't handle the patients, but it's that I don't feel like I have the capability to be Christ-like to each one. I feel like I don't have the time, the strength, the patience. The ER is frustrating. 

    Please don't think that I am complaining or ungrateful for my job because that is not my intent of writing. I am on a quest to find what I love to do. I can't do the skills I love in the ER without having the patients there also:)

    I am trying to figure out how to be a woman of God and still be an effective ER nurse. It's complicated. It's complicated because a great number of patients that come into the ER are not very nice. Many are manipulative, with ulterior motives to their 'sickness'--often narcotics and sometimes I believe just the need for love and attention. As an ER nurse, my job doesn't allow time for nursing people's emotional needs. If I stay too long in one room, the rest of my rooms go down the drain and I have doctors and the charge nurse down my neck. To be most effective in the ER as a nurse you have to be fast and precise. To be most effective as a Christian you have to be giving, patient, compassionate, and forgiving. What I am trying to figure out is how to mix those.

    I came across something this morning. The Message version of Proverbs 3:21-29 is super cool.

    Dear friend, guard Clear Thinking and Common Sense with your life;
    don't for a minute lose sight of them.
    They'll keep your soul alive and well,
    they'll keep you fit and attractive.
    You'll travel safely,
    you'll neither tire nor trip.
    You'll take afternoon naps without a worry,
    you'll enjoy a good night's sleep.
    No need to panic over alarms or surprises,
    or predictions that doomsday's just around the corner,
    Because God will be right there with you;
    he'll keep you safe and sound.

    Never walk away from someone who deserves help;
    your hand is God's hand for that person.
    Don't tell your neighbor "Maybe some other time"
    or "Try me tomorrow"
    when the money's right there in your pocket.
    Don't figure ways of taking advantage of your neighbor
    when he's sitting there trusting and unsuspecting.

    It starts out saying clear thinking and common sense, or discernment, are life for me. If I am walking with the Lord, He lives in me and I acknowledge His Spirit inside of me, then I have discernment and I need to pay attention to that discernment. It's okay for me to recognize certain patients are trying to take advantage of me. It's okay for me to see through their manipulation and not give them everything they want because I am "compassionate" or "giving". It's so important for me to be discerning of the people I come in contact with at my work, not only patients but also people I work with, that God said it will keep my soul alive and well. It says if I guard Clear Thinking and Common Sense with my life, then God will be right there with my, he'll keep me safe and sound. That's all I want, to know that I can work fast, I can get my job done with wisdom and discernment and know that God is still there with me, ministering to my patients.

    The second part of the passage that really stuck out to me is "Never walk away from someone who deserves help; your hand is God's hand for that person." By that verse I see that if we have clear thinking and common sense, we can determine if someone deserves our help. Many people in the ER deserve our help, whether they are critically hurt, struggling with a minor illness for several days, or experiencing an illness that is not an emergency and they didn't know they shouldn't have come to the ER. I don't mind giving help to those who deserve it, educating them if they didn't have a clear understanding of what an "emergency" actually is. But the patients who are manipulative, the ones who scream at us because we didn't give them narcotics or because we didn't treat their
    non-emergent illness as if it was the most emergent--those we can discern if they 'deserve' our help. I have literally had to walk away, walk out of a patient's room while they are yelling at me because they are being absolutely ridiculous and inappropriate--they aren't deserving of help in that situation. I will be God's hand at my job, and I won't pretend to be God and determine who is worthy, but I have to guard my heart, guard my clear thinking and not be beaten down by those who are not deserving.

    "Never walk away from someone who deserves help; your hand is God's hand for that person." It's my one desire at work to be God's hand to those who need it, whether patients or co-workers. What I have struggled with, however, is being emotionally defeated by those who don't deserve help. I think most do deserve help, but to keep my own soul alive and well, God says to be discerning.

    I'm just trying to figure out this life thing, this ER nurse thing with a Christ-like mindset. I love the Lord. I want to be led by Him. If at this point in my life He wants me to be an ER nurse, then that's what I am going to continue being. And I will bless as many people in my 12hour shifts as possible--hopefully I will be blessing my King as well.